Tuesday, February 10, 2009

For your enjoyment

I have kleptomania,but when it gets bad,I take something for it.


FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church.

Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.

Heaven is Where:The Police are British,The Chefs are Italian,The Mechanics are German,The Lovers are French and It's all organized by the Swiss. Hell is Where:The Police are German,The Chefs are British,The Mechanics are French,The Lovers are Swiss andIt's all organized by the Italians.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Welcome to Utah!Set your watch back 20 years.

In just two days from now,tomorrow will be yesterday.

A bartender is just a pharmacistwith a limited inventory


The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.

I may be schizophrenic,but at least I have each other.

I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.

KENTUCKY:Five million people,Fifteen last names.

I'm not your type.I'm not inflatable.

Dyslexics Have More Nuf.

In Memoriam
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.


I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

Preserve the Spotted Owl(in formaldehyde)

When you work here,you can name your own salary.
I named mine, "Fred".

money isn't everything,but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.


I like cats too.Let's exchange recipes.

Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

I am having an out-of-money experience.

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate.
Please be careful!" "It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines!

I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

Monday, February 9, 2009

old man stink.....how do you get it away? uhhh

Just a little update on the moving to our OWN house thing. The inspection was done and it went well. We figured it would have some work to put into it but nothing a hammer, some money, and some love wont fix.
It doesnt have a basement but it has this wierd creepy crawl space thing with a wooden ladder going down into this pit-like hole under our house........i can just imagine all the spiders hanging out down there. Hope I dont get nightmares from the "pit" in our kitchen leading to the dank underground.......it might be a good place to hide if ever needed.....just sayin'.
We're waiting for the appraisal to be done. All the real estate people said we should be fine and nothing else should pop up. I hope, 'cause its been alot of money to purchase this house already, and its technically not ours yet.
We still have to wait for the loan to go through and all financial stuff is the only thing to be done. The mortgage brocker(brocher) said everything is going well so far. We were pre-approved a while ago by the same guy, so it should go well right?

But heres the thing, its an old house and an old man lived in it. It deffinately needs to be painted and updated BAD!!! How do you get the old man stink out?

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Hamburger remorse

Yes, there is such a thing as hamburger remorse. We went to Arctic Circle for food before I had to go to work today. By the way, Arctic Circle is so delicious! What is that sauce they put on the lucious patties? mmmm
Anyway, now I have hamburger remorse. I am remorseful, should I repent from this aweful dietary guilt? I should repent because we went to AC on a Sunday. I cant seem to help having those knock out cravings!!! uhhh
But it was sooo good. I even got it on my face. Imagine a chubby girl almost making love to this greasy deliciousness. Caressing the bun(haaa no punn intended), licking the dripping delectabilty from each finger like it was the end of something really good that was never going to happen again. It was pretty R rated in my mind. Oh Jay, if you were a hamburger we'd be in trouble!!!
It was calling to me with its sweet song. "Aerial(all etherial like), Aerial". Beckoning me to come hither. Glistening in its shiny glory. "Aerial, you know you want me." How could you refuse a talking delicious hamburger?
After it was all said and done there came the guilt. dun dun dun! Caught red handed like a child pocketing gum at the grocery store checkout. Wide-eyed and in horror I asked myself "what did you just do"? Did you actually relate eating a hamburger to sex, like some crazy addicted freak? Yes I did people. It was that good...............(glazed eyes, oh yeah).........
Anywho, back to the guilt. After wolfing down the fries,drink, and a brown topper w/ nuts I felt pretty guilty. I'm supposed to be on a diet.....kindof....... My throat got tight and I felt like I was going to barf. The sexy hamburger was now sitting at the bottom of my stomach like a rock. A sinful, dirty rock. Then I got to work and saw all the pretty bimbo nurses. You know, the bleached blonde, rock climbing, beautiful, educated woman--pretty nurses. How am I ever going to be a bleached blonde bimbo if I keep wolfing sexy food?
So now I have hamburger remorse.

betcha didnt know this about me!

I have no good ideas about what to write about. Heres a survey I stole......thanks!!!



1. What is your best friends name? Carrie and Jay

2. What color underwear/boxers wearing now? white

3. What are you listening to right now? nothing

4. Whats your favorite number? 3 or 6(which is a multiple of 3)

5. What was the last thing you ate? meatball sub mmmmmmmmmmmm

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? pink

7. How is the weather right now? dont know, encased in a concrete building

8. Who was the last person you talked 2 on the phone? jay

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? hair and teeth, now its jays legs and eyes

10. Do you have a significant other? yes, i very well should have, being married and all

11. Favorite TV show? I really like HGTV

12. Siblings? just one, a sister

13. Height? 5'7" at the very tallest

14. Hair color? brown

15. Eye Color? blue green with wierd yellow specks

16. Do you wear contacts? not in a long time

17. Favorite Holiday? 4th of july

18. Month? june

19. Have you ever cried for no reason? frequently

20. What was the last movie you watched? cant recall

21. Favorite Day of the Year? Every day!!!........that I dont work

22. Are you too shy to ask someone out? nope never was,just when it came to one person in junior high and high school and then he made me so nervous I couldnt even be in the same room with him.....you all know who it was;)

23. Can you do a headstand? sort of, probly not now though

24. Hugs or Kisses? love both especially from my kids!!!

25. Chocolate or Vanilla? both!!! How about vanilla with chocolate on it

26. Do you want your friends to respond to this? if they want to

27. Who is most likely to respond? no clue

28. Who is least likely to respond? ditto

29. What books are you reading? The host and text books about nutrition

30. Piercings? 2 in each ear

31. Favorite movies? I have alot but i mostly like comedies

32. Favorite football Team? whichever ones are wearing those hot pants................hotnessssss

33. what were u doing before this? talking to work friends

34. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? not really down with popcorn......buttered if i have nothing else to eat

35.Ever done something you regret? yeah

36. Any emberassing moments? my whole teenage life was an emberassing moment

37. Dogs or cats? both are fine

38. Favorite flower? Lillies, sterling roses, and gerber daisies

39. Been caught doing something you weren't supposed to do? frequently

40. Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex? mu hubs

41. Have you ever loved someone? to the depth of my core

42. Who would you like to see right now? My bed!!!!!!!

43. Are you still friends with people from kindergarten? no

44. Have you ever fired a gun? yes, a couple

45. Do you like to travel by plane? its ok if i dont get motion sick

46. Right-handed or Left-handed? Right handed

47. How many pillows do you sleep with? 1 but when jay leaves for work i usually steal his

48. Are you missing someone? not at the moment

49. Do you have a Tattoo? think I want one though

50. Anybody that you know that you'd go on a date with? the hubs duhhh;)

Saturday, February 7, 2009

I'm so mad I could spit!!!

Well, I was going to tell a story tonight about my rambuncious teenage past but a patient just cheesed me off!!!

I will tell the awesome story another night. But for now I will vent and rant about this lady until I feel better.

This lady has been here a few times in the year I have worked up here. She is what we call a frequent flyer. She's like 5 foot 2 and about 450 pounds. She has major problems with her legs and feet.....she also lives with her cats if that tells you anything. So shes a pain in the butt to move around!!! It takes 3 of us to move her!

uhhhhhh shes also way tooooo educated(supposedly) about this hospital stuff. Ok, she fell asleep almost falling off the bed but instructed us in a very rude way not to wake her up. So i didnt. She wasnt going to fall out of bed either, she was fine, just askew. She didnt have any of her monitors on when she fell asleep but she is completely stable and didnt need them. So she didnt get woken up just to put a clip on her finger.

BAAAAMMMMMMM!!!!!!! She blew up about 3 hours later. She, lets call her Fanny(haaaaaa lol), wanted to know why she didnt have any monitors on. Uhhhhhhh derrr uhhh I dunno, cuz yer stable. Us dumb folk that run this here treatin place dont know any better. I guess you do though.

Hello Fanny! Who has spent the last 7 years of her life dedicating her time and energy to GIVING to people like you? I have spent alot of time and money on my education not to mention pain staking hours at work and sacrifice for your well being! I have been trained, upon trained, upon trained, to do what I do. Not to mention the nurses who have even more specialized training, which I am acquiring right now, to help your sorry butt. I know you didnt go to college, because you told me. I know you dont have any formal training,because you told me. So who do you think is better qualified to decide whether you should have a monitor on your finger?
The nurse! who is the person I am working under.

Fanny, why are you like this? Why do you feel the need to cut everyone down and try to make everyone feel stupid and threaten us with our jobs? Youre not giving me any reason to be compassionate towards you, but I am. You dont give any thanks or accolades but I respond to you in a loving manner anyway.

I'm not mad anymore. Just needed to vent I guess. But Fanny, if you ever find it in your heart to give a thanks to the staff that is working hard to keep you healthy and ALIVE do it. I dont need to hear it or even know that its somewhere inside you. I am aware that this is a thankless job. I signed up for it, I'll deal with it.

Friday, February 6, 2009

25 random things about me

25 random things about me

1. my middle name is Alexis and I hated for the longest time the name my mom calls me......Lexi Loo

2. I have a son and a daughter

3. I secretly love my job

4. I didnt cut my hair until after I got married because I was afraid I was never going to get married if I didnt have long hair.......thanks mom and dad

5. I have had 2 lesbians have major crushes on me..........both of whom were dance partners at castleview.......one even tried to kiss me when we went to california

6.I miss clogging really really really bad!!!

7. My husband is my hero

8. I have abirth mark on my leg that looks like Texas

9. I'm a gastronome, not a foodie

10. My philosophy on life is: I can have anything I want as long as I work hard for it, but sometimes I shouldnt have the things I want

11. I would never eat the birthday treats in elementary school. I would bring them home because I was afraid they would have poison in them until after my mom told me it was ok to eat them

12. I have a major phobia of water

13.My favorite color is pink

14. I am a jealouse wife......back away girls hes mine!!!

15. I secretly admire my hubs kind eyes when hes sleeping

16. I am totally in love with my kids

17. I am a career woman, but I want to be a stay at home mom too

18. Every goal I have set in life, I have achieved........in on eway or another.......I'm no stranger to defeat though and I deffinately know whats it like to be humbled too

19. I dance in the shower

20. I wish I was athletic......like a rock climber or something

21. I love Spongebob Squarepants

22. I want a tattoo and a motorcycle

23. Jay likes Coke and I like Pepsi

24. I am now addicted to Facebook and blogging

25. I get borred easily!!!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Finally Aerial!!!! Get with the times!!!

After reading and deciding to follow blogs (I stole the links from Criste, thanks honey!!!) I should make a 2008 review. Like everyone else:)

2008 for my little clan is as follows:

January
We met Amber for the first time and decided we would keep her......and make Tom marry her so we can teach her in the ways of webster-ness ;) I started my first semester of school....again. Moved up to the med/surg floor of the hospital. I had my very first "real" haircut and chopped 3 feet of hair off my head. AHHHH it was a shock! But I loved it! What a cleansing that was!

February
Jay and I decided we needed a MUCH needed vacaaaa, so we planned on the spur of the moment, a little trip to Ogden. I got flowers for Valentines day(beautiful roses). And the kids grew a little more...

March
Dont remember much of March. We took my little sister, Ashley, to dinner for her birthday.

April
It was Gage's birthday this month. We took him to the Mayan and had a little party at my moms house, where Gage cut his giant cupcake cake with a ninja turtle sword. Sooo funny! I also had a nervous breakdown about school......well kinda, just stressed to the maxxx! Jay got his CNA. It was moms b-day too.

May
I passed all my classes with passing grades.....

June
June is my favorite month. Jays birthday was this month. We had a full week that week. Carolin and her family came up from New Harmony to see my cousin Ryan off to basic training. We had a big family dinner at Tepan Yaki, that was really fun! I caught a shrimp in my mouth! But it was sad to see how hard it was for everyone to see Ryan go away to the army.
On Jays b-day we had BBQ at our house. It was a good time. We also went to Westfest at the end of the month. Its one of my favorite family traditions. I love to see how excited the kids get when they see the fireworks at night. I just love how Gage gets so excited about everything. What a joy it is for me just to see the sheer/pure excitement of my children.

July
Dads b-day was this month. The 4th is always fun.....I ended up working and wasnt happy about it.

August
MacKelty had her first birthday this month. She got her ears pierced and got her very own strawberry cake. Summer vacay is over, back to school for me.

September
Nothing exciting this month. Wait a sec! Jay started working for IHC. Thats been such a blessing for our family.

October
We had much fun on Halloween!!! Jay unfortunately, had to work. My parents dressed up as scarecrows, MacKelty was a bumble bee!!! Gage was Aniken Skywalker, and I guess Jay and I were CNAs.....we both just had scrubs on....boo! I suck!

November
I had a hissy fit on my birthday. Sorry Jay, I love you. Thanksgiving was at my house!!! I made a turkey, with Jays help. Didnt know I needed a meat thermometer.....so it turned out dry:(

December
Andrea visited. X-mas was fantastic!!!

So it was a pretty great year! Geez it goes soooo fast. My babies are growing up. tear..... But what an amazing thing to behold. To have the blessing of watching my own children grow will far surpass anything worldly.