When it rains it pours. it pours and pours and pours

When it rains it pours. This simple statement has been the theme song for the past year of my little life. What a simple yet profound quotation. When it rains it pours. It pours out upon me like no other!It cant ever be a little thing or one big thing. When it rains on me it really dumps!
The past few months in particular have been difficult. I've had a few things rocked that shouldnt have been "rocked". Faith has been shattered, trust has been broken. Heart strings have been holding on by a thread, a worn and tattered thread, swaying in the wind like an old loved-all-too-much and worn too many times sun dress hanging on the clothes line.
It seems like the hurricane has been raging. No, not a dark cloud. I feel too good for this to be a "dark cloud". But a hurricane. A mighty storm of hurt and sometimes more hurting and disappointment.
I guess, this new chapter is something I told myself I would always remain prepared for. My eyes would be wide open to whats happening and I wouldnt be caught off guard again. The walls have been firmly in place for such a long time that they remain intact to this day. But I cant help but peer through the openings and reach out.Fingers outstretched and straining. I cant believe, after all this, I cant help myself. I want to jump out the window and go to where you are. In my mind I'm always where you are. In my heart, a thin, transparent layer still remains. But I just cant help myself.
I wonder why you feel the way you do. And why I cant help but be ok. All is always forgiven. Although, I'm disappointed. Terribly, terribly disappointed. I know you most likely didnt think about the consequences. And it exasperates me that they would be in the forefront of my mind.
In a tiny way, my heart is still aching. I know you didnt mean it to come out the way it did. But it did. I will never forget that those words came from your mouth. They werent even bad words. It could have been the best compliment Ive ever been given. The operative word is a powerful one, a wonderful thing that everyone should have. And yes, even I should be this to you. But I should always be more.

The hurricane is ending tomorrow. The winds have dyed down and I can almost feel the sun coming out and kissing my cheeks. But I cant help but want to go inside. What if the sun doesnt stay? Will there be another storm? Most certainly there will be other storms. And we will wade through the deep together. Because I love you.
The funny thing about pouring rain in my life is that it never sticks around. The rain always washes the earth clean. The clouds always part. Repentance is always granted. The curious thing is that I didnt ask for the hurricane this time. It was forced upon me. A rather maddening situation! I didnt ask for this, you did. And I got sucked under the current with you. But for not having my usual control I learned alot. Humility. Crying in front of cute little old men isnt as becoming as it sounds. Even when they hand you a hanky.
The storm has passed but little blips on the dopplar radar are still popping up. The patchy rain will be gone in June and then back to sunshine. I cant believe how refreshed this storm has made me feel. I feel wonderful for having an achy heart. Well, heart aches are just part of life it seems to me.

Next time lets enjoy the smell of the rain. In due time, maybe even a little puddle jumping.

an explanation to all.....I'm experiencing technical difficulties!

I've been told that I need to explain myself....about not writing on this blog. And abruptly stopping, I guess.

Well, first and foremost, I really was experiencing technical difficulties. The internet at work wouldnt connect to blogger anymore and we didnt have it at home. So that was the first reason.

And I guess I needed some time to clear my head.

Ive never been happier and I havent had must of the SAD(seasonal affective disorder)this year. In fact, I feel lovely!

I dont have much going on right now. Other than Im at work(mehhh). I sure am glad for the help tonight though.

I guess I'll do some more mindless meandering in literary form......... I dont have much going on tomorrow other than taking and picking Gage up from school. I think I'll sleep some. Guess I'll figure something out for dinner before Jay goes to school. Hmmmm, I'll probly watch tv too.

Ahhhhhhhh stupid 311 peed her bed again!!!!!! arghhhhh

Anyhow, hope to get blogging more


love ya'll!

I didnt die!!!

Hello all!

Dont know if anyone is still actually reading my now "sad" blog. I call it "sad" because I havent posted for such a long time.

So I guess I will do a year (2009) in recap! YAY!!!

January-
last january I was hopelessly depressed. To the point of actually finding a therapist to talk to but never went.

February-
Still depressed. Almost had a nervous breakdown....bought and moved into our little house!

March-
Oh March. One of the most poignient times of my life. Kelty's brain surgery was this month.

April-
Bought the awesome beef-a-licious Durango!....unpacked and rearranged my house...
Baby Gage's 5th birthday!!!(had a family bbq)

May-
Went on a wonderful Las Vegas trip with Jays family! Started planning my garden.

June-
Jays birthday...made a cute sign for him and hung it in our window! Started Kelty's physical therapy.

July-
4th of july of course! Registered Gage for kindergarten.

August-
Made it to Kelty's 2nd birthday. Gage had his first day of school! Oh soooo cute!

September-
Nothing good in september....just a work month

October-
HAlloween baby! Kelty was a princess and Gage was a zombie!

NOvember-
MY B-DAY!!!!

December-
visited temple square.