I just got done reading a friends blog about making choices to focus on the important things in her life. But beneath that particular post was a pic of the Salt Lake temple and a quote saying :"when storms rage...." This pounded a familiar feeling into my heart.
It seems that when the spirit needs to tell me something it has to hit me in the head for me to get it. Ive always been that way. I have to be slapped in the face for the spirit to communicate what it needs to to me. So, when I need to know something it usually happens big.
Ive been noticing a lack of something lately. Ive been filled with stress and confusion. A feeling of a "storm raging". Its so funny that that blog said that exact thing. Ive been really worried that another dark cloud was going to take over my life. Until I saw that picture of the temple and a little bit, just the tiniest bit, of that wonderful solitude crept into my heart.
I have the feeling that Ive been lost lately. I obviously dont deal with stress in my life as well as I should. Hence, another dark cloud may be creeping in. But in those tiny moments of solace Im learning to enjoy moments. Moments make up life. Not every moment is going to be a super fantastic one. Not every moment may even be a good one. But they are the links in time that are making up my life. Ive been taking these moments to help me enjoy my children, enjoy Jay, and even enjoy the dog.
I feel like Ive been looking for something lately. I got a glimpse of it last Sunday in relief society. And have been picking up pieces or have been getting hints about it since then....My Heavenly Father wants me back. He doesnt want me to be lost anymore. Lost in a chaotic mess in my head. I need to go to the temple.
So, I dont need to get hit over the head by the spirit to get the picture this time. Its clear to me now. These moments are letting me know that everything is ok and that Im not a failure as a mother and as a professional. Pulling up to my moms house this afternoon and seeing Keltys eyes light up and seeing her lips mouth the words "mama" lets me know where I need to be. Gage's laugh alone is enough to make me fall to my knees and thank my Heavenly Father for letting me have one of his children to teach here on earth.
Even though I have an opinion about the employment in my life I think I can put up with it a little longer. Even though I dont want to, its what I need to do. Its where I need to be and its where I need to continue to learn. The spirit is pulling my heart strings. The harder I pull away the harder the heavy feeling in my chest gets. Every time I make a final decision about career path the heavier things get. Every time I change my major Im never sure its right. Nursing is right for me. My job, right at this moment in time, may not be. But its a stepping stone. And the only way I get through it sometimes is the spirit pulling me through.
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I'm glad we're friends.. :)
ReplyDeleteI, once again, know how you feel. I've been riding this gloom roller coaster for years and years.. and finally just succumbed and made a decision that lifted the gloom from me. It's something I should've done a long time ago, and something that I knew I had to do. And fighting against it was causing the distress from deep inside. But now, although things are still far from perfect, I'm happier. Because I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, even if it's not what I currently want to do. Strange how life is. !
Sweet Aerial. I think most people need the smack in the face in order to realize what's important. I know I do.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting this. It really made me think about what I need to do in my life.