Isnt it funny.....

Isnt it funny how life changes when you become a mother? Its like nothing else matters when you have children. Considering the recent events in my life I discovered something new about myself. Jay wanted me to go home to shower and get some rest after Keltys surgery. Now, I would never go against my husband in any way unless, completely warranted but......at that moment in time, with my child that survived a very risky surgery I was not going to leave her. No one was going to make me leave my baby. I felt so helpless. There was nothing I could do. No one that could help. Not even Jay.
You hear about those mothers that can lift cars off their children and super amazing feats of craziness when it comes to a hurt child or something like that. I get it, I've felt that before. I feel like I could could do something like that if in the right situation. But this one was....different.
We had spent some time with Kelty in the PICU and then it was time to leave. I felt like I could leave for a second but I deffinately didnt want to go anywhere for too long...you know, just in case.
So Jay came in and asked me to go home with him. It was like the only string that had been holding me together...snapped. It snapped like the last thread of an unraveling rope. And I crumbled right there. I am usually very emotional....inside. I HATE crying in front of people. If I could have sobbed the whole day, I would have. But there were too many people around. And in that moment I was MAD! Jay was asking me to go home out of an act of love and kindness. I comprehended that was the best thing to do but I didnt want to. My actions were a little disturbing in the crumbling emotion. I utterly refused. It was an act of deffiance to Jay. I had no intention of making him mad, which he wasnt. But it was a standoff between Jay and I at her bedside. I dont believe I have ever refused to do anything for my husband, I dont think I have ever told him no before when he has asked me to do something. But I looked him right in the eye and said "I am NOT leaving!" And we stood there for a couple seconds trying to see what the other would do. After that all I could do was cry into his chest.
This so called "stand off" was the last ounce of courage I had. I was angry, sad and all the other emotions rolled up into one big ball of Aerial. If I was going to go home, all I wanted to do there was be by myself!!! And of course, that wasnt going to happen. But now I'm grateful for everyone that helped.
But isnt it funny, when it comes to your kids what things happen. Theres no telling what a "mama bear" will do.